Saturday, May 31, 2003

FIRST MATHEMATICAL MODEL OF BILL O'REILLY

In the first mathematical analysis of Bill O'Reilly ever done, the Review has incontrovertibly proved what was previously believed only anecdotally: O'Reilly is a bully and a jerk. The study examined O'Reilly's interview [sic] with Jacob Sullum who has written an important new book on drugs, "Saying Yes: In Defense of Drug Use." Using the advanced technology of Microsoft's Word Count, the Review determined that Sullum only got in 35 more words than the interviewer, O'Reilly. O'Reilly got in the longest statements - 89 and 104 words - while Sullum in 35 exchanges only managed to say more than 50 words (a little less than a half minute) on three occasions. In 42.85% of the exchanges Sullum only managed to get in five words or less. Ironically, the longest statement of the interview - by O'Reilly - began this way: "We got -- hey, Mr. Sullum, this is a discussion, all right. You let me get my points in. I'll let you get yours in, all right. Let's get that straight up. . . " Up to that point, the interviewee had only managed to get in five more words than the host. The study also found that while Sullum interrupted O'Reilly seven times, the host interrupted the guest 12 times, providing such useful additions as: O'REILLY: Pinheads like you are encouraging intoxication... At the end, O'Reilly - as he often does - graciously told Sullum; O'REILLY: Look, you irresponsible libertines cause so much damage to this society, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. I'll give you the last word. In fact, not only did O'Reilly managed to get in four more last thoughts but they added up to 33 more words than Sullum was able to squeeze in. >>Full story...

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